Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Retrospect 2019

It's been a crazy long time since I've visited this place. To tell the truth, I might have been avoiding it like the plague. Not that I didn't have something to say. Anyone who knows me in any part of my life knows I've always had something to say. But I found myself not in a good head space for a while. I honestly couldn't find positivity to write about. My thoughts felt "unspiritual" and mostly condemning,  towards myself and those around me. It was something that needed to be worked through before I put it all out in cyber space. I wish it could have been something I could share with the world, but, to be honest, I wasn't even able to put things into words for myself. I feel I've had some breakthroughs in this area lately and it's time to share again, with the rest of the world.

In my time away, I've been contemplating what I would really like to accomplish with my blog. If my words are not meaning anything by writing them down, then I don't want to waste valuable time on something that means nothing. I then feel conflicted because, who am I to decide what meaning and value words have. They become a record of my life. They potentially benefit someone else that might be reading what I have to say. I find myself fascinated and really moved by others that have shared their lives on blogs, podcasts, and books. My life is better because of those that allowed themselves to be vulnerable with the rest of the world. Is that what God wants of me? Is that what I want for myself? Am I to be a sounding board to myself and others? Lately, I feel my answer is yes and I want to be faithful to that call and honest with where I'm at with myself, so I can become a better person.

I recently discovered an author by the name of Brene Brown. She speaks on the topic of vulnerability and shame. I was really able to relate to her insights into the human psyche. Sometimes I feel what I have to say doesn't apply to anyone but me. I know this isn't true. Brene explains that this is how we isolate ourselves, casting blame and guilt where it should not be. The more I'm able to be honest with myself in sharing, the more others can identify. We become a community that helps one another through shared experiences, empathy and sympathy for one another. I believe we touch the heart of God when this happens. This is his "kingdom come". So I have decided it is time to share my life again.

I find that change in life is inevitable. I looked back at my previous posts. They  reminded me of the many things that have changed, even in the short amount of time of three years. My children have all become adults and given me three beautiful grand babies along with two bonus blessings, giving me five grands total. All but one of my children have "flown the coop", leaving us practically empty nesters. I've been reintroduced to my husband and working to enjoy our new normal. I went back to school, got a new job, quit the new job, and stopped going to school all within that time span. I've left the church, only to find God in a more personal, practical, and totally different way than I've known Him before. I've learned the value of who I am as the real me, ADD, devoted, hard working, and continually tired due to hormonal depletion I never realized I had. And I like me in the capacity that God made me. I've come to terms with my limitations and learned that I like new things during this season of my life. I'm still working towards better health and understanding, assuring that change will not stop where I'm at today. This is where I will begin my story once again.

I'd really love it if you, as my reader, would let me know you're out there every so often. I have no real reason to write other than connect with my readers, so please show me some love every so often. Let me know what works best for reading my blog. Are you more apt to just read what I write on facebook or does it work to write here and create a link to my words? Let me know as I go along. You are what I'm here for. Let me know you're here.

Be blessed,


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